my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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