..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
