You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
