She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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