And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
