dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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