Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
