I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
