i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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