whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
