I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
