I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
