she was so not down for the gang bang
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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