so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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