ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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