he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
