I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
