I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
