remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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