My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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