Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
