I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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