Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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