Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
