We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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