im having a threesome with these popsicles
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
