Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
