I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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