yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
