yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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