And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
