Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
