Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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