Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
