Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
