Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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