I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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