I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
