My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
