If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
These tits shall not be calmed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize