So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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