How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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