I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
