I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
