So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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