so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
