I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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