it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
