she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
