now i know why i became what i already was.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
