but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
