Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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