So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize