I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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