How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
