Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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