allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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