I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
