did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
