I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
