i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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