Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize