you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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