He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
