ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize