You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
