She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
