haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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