I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
