Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
