Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
porn star boner night. come get it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
