he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How naked do you want me to be?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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