when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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